The End of a Terrible Dream, and the Morning Sun.

I try to make journals for major periods of my life, or at the very least, when I can be arsed to write about them. Since the tax season is over, and I am now unbound from my job as a state tax processor - despite their attempts to flatter me into staying - I believe that it is a good time as any to start another journal. Think of it as a save or checkpoint in my life, where I can look back, and remember why working was terrible and why it should be avoided like the exploitive system that forces itself as necessity.

That being said, I have to say that there has been a few major changes in the beginning of 2017, most notably that since ending that unspoken 'sankaku' policy, people are now actually watching and following me. Super scary! I have not really had much time to draw while working, having so limited hours in the day, but the few finished works I did release got more attention than I ever did in my two-year shut-in period, so it was very much inspiring to me nonetheless. Thank you, friends, for giving me that.

I still need to fulfill my New Year's Resolution of having a drawing for at least every week, so I'd better get making up for that eventually...

Leaving work, many coworkers have asked me if I was going back to school or finding work someplace else, which if I wasn't a fucking coward, would probably have responded with 'lol fuck no'. College was an awful experience, did not let me really progress where I wanted to go, and most of all, I was paying for it. Work is equally as awful, but at the very least, they paid me, even if I had no real time to do anything. A rock and a hard place, really.

I have always said time and time again, that my one true dream is to become a doujin artist, and I have not forgotten that promise. Through these several months of suffering, I managed to acquire the capital to actually begin pursuing my dream, as well as some extra money for any modest costs that may arise along the way. My family, although not quite understanding of my goals, are somewhat supportive, and I now have a small audience of people who inspire me as well. Hopefully, we will make progress throughout the year, and by year's end, we will get at least a glimmer of that wonderful sunlight over the horizon.

Of course, I am also planning on streaming and commissioning on the side, if not to perhaps make a bit of pocket change, then to at least enjoy the experience with people. Paypal still has issues with me, although these are mostly in transfering funds from my bank nowadays, and not so much receiving funds from others - so commissions soon. I still have to draw a few things for a small amount of people, but once that is done, the real fun can begin~

I am glad. It feels like a veil has lifted, and that while I have lost a few friends in the past months, I have made several more. This hazy dream of several years, of stagnation and the lingering weight of hopelessness, it is finally coming to an end. The future is unforseen, and perhaps with many obstacles, but with the support behind me, and the new tools of the trade that I hold, I hope that I may dig out a small kindly niche for myself.

Also, Dark Souls is pretty great. Can't recommend it enough.